The Curse of Perfectionism

Image from here

One of the quotes I hear a lot from "motivational" speakers, is this one by Les Brown:

"Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you will land among the stars."

For someone like me, this is excruciating.

I am a perfectionist. 

That means there is a part of me that really feels like I should be able to get everything done right in a single day.

I should have a clean kitchen.

I should be nice to my family.

I should cook every meal - from scratch.

I should budget and save.

I should eat healthy.

I should exercise for 30 minutes.

I should be able to beautify and decorate my home.

I should have a nice yard.

I should say my prayers.

I should read my scriptures for 30 minutes.

I should stay on top of the laundry.

I should have a tidy home.

I should be organized and efficient in running my home.

I should have a well-stocked pantry and fridge.

I should serve others outside of my family.

I should help my kids with their homework,

I should read with my children.

I should have a nighttime routine with my kids.

I should...

           I should...

                     I should...

And if I aim for the moon and I miss, I am a failure.

At some point, it doesn't matter what I should do.

I am simply... exhausted.

As my life falls apart around me (or so I think), I suffer and I eat and I become unable to accomplish much of anything except the essentials. And sometimes I really struggle with even those.

Recently I heard this said at a church conference: 

The joyful news for anyone who desires to be rid of the consequences of past poor choices is that the Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion... when the Lord speaks of weaknesses, it is always with mercy.

~ Richard G. Scott

(For full text of the talk, click here.)

For obvious reasons, this quote really stuck with me. If the Lord views my weakness with mercy, shouldn't I? It was like I was given permission to be... human.

And so I've decided not to "shoot for the moon" anymore. I hope and pray that I'm not using this as an excuse to be mediocre in my efforts. I really feel that I need to visualize a healthy, happy, and realistic me, and then set objectives each week that will bring me closer to that person. I'm not working on an accomplishment. 

I'm on a journey of discovery.