To Act for Myself

Twice a year on the first weekend of April and October my church has a world-wide conference that is broadcast over the internet and by satellite. It consists of 5 two-hour sessions spread over Saturday and Sunday. Instead of attending regular church services on this weekend, our family listens and watches the broadcast from our home. I admit that as a child and teenager I often dreaded "conference weekend". It meant being consigned to sitting in a pew at church (this is before the wonders of the internet, of course) for hours and hours with nothing to do but doodle in my notebook. Since my artistic talents are greatly lacking, this did not hold my attention for very long. As soon as the lights were dimmed, I generally shifted into the most comfortable position I could find and tried to fall asleep so it would be over faster. (Incidentally, this was my strategy on long car rides, as well.)

As a young adult, I realized that many of my friends looked forward to conference weekend, and my personal feelings began to change. I actually listened to the talks that were given, and often heard profound statements and sentiments that filled my heart with a desire to be better, to do better, and love Christ better. Now, twenty years later, I find that I love it even more. It nourishes my soul and revives my spirit. Listening to my inspired church leaders helps me understand more clearly what I need to do to remain a faithful, kind, and committed Christian during this time when many around me do not share my convictions, morals, or beliefs. By the end of the weekend, I have taken pages and pages and pages of notes. This past weekend was no different.

One topic that came up which I feel is worth mentioning here on this blog came from this talk by Elder D. Todd Christofferson. It is entitled "Free Forever, to Act for Themselves." He covers a lot of doctrinal things in this talk about our personal accountability and the importance of commandments, but I want to focus on this particular quote:

"God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us."

He follows it up with these words a few lines later:

"The gospel of Jesus Christ opens the path to what we may become. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and His grace, our failures to live the celestial law perfectly and consistently in mortality can be erased and we are enabled to develop a Christlike character. Justice demands, however, that none of this happen without our willing agreement and participation."

As I heard this, I realized that I have the ability to do better. It's not so much that I am passive about my spiritual growth, emotional connections with Ben and the kids, or even my own personal health. Rather, I do not take advantage of the opportunities I am given. I allow myself to be distracted by electronics (Candy Crush Saga, anyone??) or other things that have no real value in my life. When I fill my time with spiritual "junk food", is it any wonder that I fill my body with junk food as well?

The spirit and body are connected - intimately so. I cannot nourish one without  nourishing the other. Likewise, I cannot neglect one without neglecting the other. That, too, was a point driven home to me this weekend.

Now, lest I lead anyone to the conclusion that I am being hard on myself, let me be clear. There is a big difference between saying, 'I can do better" and "I should have done better". I am not berating myself. I am not feeling guilt or shame. I am simply more aware of an area in which I have been given a gift that I have not yet fully accepted. When I rely on Christ, He can take me so much farther than I can go on my own. He does not require perfection, but a willing heart and mind.

Can I do that?
Will I choose to act in a way that I can become the person He desires me to be?
Time will tell, but today my answer is...
Yes.
Yes, I can do this.
Yes, I can grow.
Yes, I can nourish.

Image from here.