Baby Steps

I feel like I have discarded so many things over the past 6 months.

I reject the idea that I must be perfect to have value. 
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I strive not to criticize my children when they are imperfect or don't do things the way I wish they had been done.

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I no longer rely on a checklist to improve my life.

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I refuse to feel guilty when I make poor food choices.

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I have let go of the fears carried over from my past.

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I am learning to release personal insecurities. 

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I refute the idea that someone has to "take the blame" when things don't go according to plan.

The fact that I have been able to get to this point shows great progress. Yet I am aware that it's not enough to just let go of the negativity. It has to be replaced with something positive; something nourishing.

But what?

What's next?

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been giving this a lot of thought. When I originally started this blog, I expressed in my first post that I needed to focus on three areas of nourishment: physical, emotional, and spiritual. I have made a great start on my journey for emotional and spiritual nourishment, but improving my physical nourishment has been a challenge. While I realize that I had to be emotionally ready to let go of the safety I felt in being obese (and that topic might be worth a post of it's own), I have made it past that crisis.

And yes, it really was an emotional and spiritual crisis.

But I digress. The problem I'm encountering is that my eating habits and lack of an exercise habit are not spontaneously changing on their own just because I'm ready for them to. I really thought they would! Although I have made some better individual choices, as a whole I feel like my physical lifestyle hasn't changed significantly.

And I really, really want it to!

I could spend a lot of time talking about my obstacles to change (money, time, influence of others), but that's really a waste of time at this point. My biggest obstacle is internal. I have started so many efforts trying to change everything at once, that I really don't know how to take baby steps with my physical health.

Fortunately, I think there is a solution.

I have a friend here in Oklahoma who I worked with once before. A couple of years ago I asked her to help me. I thought if I could just have someone tell me what to do, it would solve all of my problems and I would lose weight. It had worked once before, right? Eventually she and I stopped meeting because I wasn't keeping my personal commitments; I wasn't working towards my goals. Although I enjoyed getting together with her, it was wasting my time and hers. I understand now that my emotional baggage was getting in the way, and that it wasn't the right time for me.

The other night I was sitting next to her at a church function. She asked me how I was doing and told me she'd been thinking about me lately. We talked briefly about my growth in counseling, and I told her I felt like it was finally my time. I was ready to be healthy. She invited me call her if I wanted to start meeting again. Tonight I sent the email. I'm kind of excited to see what happens next...