Keepin' it Real

I have been in a funk off and on for the past week. In an attempt to "keep it real" on this blog, I'm going to write about it. Not to get sympathy or advice (PLEASE don't offer either!) but because I know I'm going to have other times when I feel the same way and I need to figure out how to get past this.

Seriously, people. I need a reset button.

I'm going to purge the negative and be a whiny-baby for just a minute. Here's my list of things that are bothering me:

• My body isn't as resilient as it used to be. I am having some serious problems with foot pain and I know it's partly due to plantar fasciitis and partly due the fact that I have so much weight to lose and partly because I need to buy some better shoes and haven't time or money to put into it yet. It's so frustrating to want to be physically active and feeling like you are too fat to do it. And, of course, I am blaming myself for letting it get this bad in the first place.
• The scale isn't cooperating. I know that weight loss isn't a nice, steady stream of pounds coming off every couple of days. Yet it doesn't stop me from being frustrated when I don't feel like my efforts are being rewarded fast enough. Despite the fact that I am trying to focus on how I am living rather than what I weigh, I am having to reverse years and years of bad habits and it doesn't always come easily.
• I haven't been making ideal eating choices or exercising as much as I should while I am wallowing in misery. I'm trying not to feel bad about it.
• I don't want to deal with some of the personal things stressing me out right now. I just want them to go away and be someone else's problems. I'm tired. Emotionally and physically tired.

Let's be honest. I'm having one heck of a pity-party over here. Self-pity is unproductive and harmful. The irony is that I'm already feeling discouraged and I am allowing myself to be pushed even further down into the dumps by my negativity.

So how do I let go? How can I go back to feeling as powerful and productive as I did 6 weeks ago?

1. Recognize the Issues - An interesting thing happened when I typed up my list of things that are bothering me. I listed them in the order they came to mind. As you can see, I started off writing about the physical stuff (I hurt, I feel fat, etc.). Then I made my way to the emotional (I feel guilty). Ironically, it's the last thing on the list that made me cry. Unfortunately, I learned the unhealthy behavior of avoidance early in life, so taking the time to recognize that I have some very specific things that are causing me emotional distress right now is critical. When I identify what those are they don't seem as overwhelming and I can see a way to work on resolving them - or letting them go, if that is appropriate.
2. Recognize Your Power (or lack of it)- I cannot fix a problem I won't admit that I have. I recognize that I am in an emotional downward spiral. I also acknowledge that I am the only one that can get me off this train. No one else can do it for me. That being said, I also do not have the power to change anyone else other than me. I can choose to behave in a certain way that may have a positive influence on those around me, but there are no guarantees.
3. Release the Guilt/Shame - Unless I have intentionally harmed someone else or sinned against God, then I have no reason to feel guilt. In fact, what I am feeling would be better categorized as shame. It makes it much easier to release the feeling when I recognize it for what it is. I have no reason to be ashamed of my imperfections. I am human, after all.
4. Remember the Good - One of the benefits of journal-writing (and blogging) is that it is easier for me to go back and re-read my thoughts and feelings from a time when I felt at peace. No one feels great all of the time, just like no one feels bad all of the time. Emotions are living, breathing - and sometimes elusive - creatures that can be influenced by various things in our lives. I will go back and read about the good days; they will come again if I can just hang in there.
5. Rest Sufficiently - There is no substitute for a good nights' sleep. Sometimes when I have pushed myself too hard for too long, I may need a full week or more of consistent rest. After a poor nights' sleep, the tiniest crisis can seem like an insurmountable obstacle for me. Exercise is harder, quick energy foods (sugars, simple carbs, etc.) are more appealing, and patience is fleeting.
6. Resolve to Stay the Course - I am committed to improving my lifestyle. That hasn't changed. I'm not going to give up when it becomes a challenge. I'm going to hang in there and keep going at whatever speed I can manage. It's not my pace that makes me a winner - it's the direction that I am moving.