Grief

I know it probably looks like I've been neglecting myself if the activity of this blog is anything to go by, but that isn't the case. I guess I just do better when I pay attention to my need and desire to write rather than trying to follow a regimented schedule. It appears this is a lesson I have had to learn more than once, if my previous blog posts are anything to go by.

There's so much on my mind today. In a way, my heart is breaking just a little bit.

A couple that I know just separated, and the mom left dad with their 5 kids and left town. And while I wasn't super-close to the family, we were on friendly terms. I can't stop thinking about their oldest girl who will need to take on a variety of new responsibilities to help dad with her younger siblings and the house. And I am grieving for her and for me all over again.

I wasn't the oldest, but I was the one that took on the responsibility of caring for my younger siblings when my mom was working. I don't blame my mother, and I have forgiven my father, but this realization of just what I lost is still fairly new - just a year and a half old. 

Today I am so grateful for my counselor that showed me compassion and helped me to feel again. I'm grateful for my husband who has let me grieve 25 years too late. And I'm grateful for my mother who held it together for our family for all those years.