Tender Hearts

A few years ago my sister-in-law sent me a copy of this book called "If You Want to Write". She didn't give it to me because I had aspirations of being a writer. From what I can tell, it's a book about the importance of being creative - whether in writing, art, music, etc. I haven't ever gotten all the way through it, in fact. But I've started it about three times. I know that might not sound like a glowing recommendation for a book, but it is. I wouldn't have restarted it if I didn't think it was worth it. And the fact I haven't finished it has more to do with me than with the quality of the author's writing.

One quote that always stands out to me near the beginning is this:

"EVERYBODY IS ORIGINAL, if he tells the truth, if he speaks from himself. But it must be from his true self and not the self he thinks he should be."

Too often I am so focused on what I should be that I forget who I really am. I have come a long way in learning to cast off this facade of perfection that I used to carry around. Yet admitting my weaknesses doesn't mean that I am really showing others my true self. It simply means I am willing to stop pretending that I have it all together. I still hide my insecurities, from myself and from others. I don't like to look at them too long because I keep thinking I should be able to overcome them. And let's be honest here - focusing on insecurities doesn't make them diminish. If anything, the opposite happens and soon that is all we can see when we look at ourselves. 

I also concede that it's not a good idea to trumpet our flaws and tender hearts around for everyone to see. There really are people in this world who hurt other people on purpose. We need to protect our hearts from those people, too. Somewhere there is a balance, but I don't think I've really found it yet. However, I am not willing to lock up my heart to protect it. It doesn't work. Our hearts and emotions need sunlight, open space, and even the occasional rainstorm to thrive and blossom and grow into the kind of heart that can love others (and ourselves) unconditionally and without judgment. You can't have the joy without the pain, the happiness without the sorrow. When you love deeply, you can also hurt deeply. But at least you know you are alive and present in your life.